Day 100: Can you have a midlife crisis before 40?
30% of the experiment is done. Progress? Unclear. But with Carl Jung for a silver lining.
It’s been seven days of reflection since May began. I wasn’t sure what my goals for the month should be. I’m still not sure if the real concern was about how to make the most of these coming days, or if it was the fear that they’ll look exactly like the days that have already passed.
The days behind me have brought a lot of learning. I started this whole thing, this public writing project spontaneously, on a random evening in January. And somehow, I’m already 100 days in. And the truth? I thought I’d be further along by now. I thought I’d have more clarity, a better sense of the alternative path, or at least the beginnings of a map. Instead, here I am. A little wiser maybe, but also mostly… frustrated.
So I did what I’ve been doing: booked a coaching session with ChatGPT. (This time, it turned into two sessions.) A lot of the conversation circled around meaning. What do I care about? Why am I doing this?
And eventually, we landed somewhere familiar. At the start, actually. The truth is: I just enjoy getting curious about the world and finding a view point to tell those stories. That’s all this is. That’s all it ever was.
So instead of fancy goals, we’ll keep it simple. Here’s the goals for May:
#1: Write. As much as possible. In as many formats as I feel like testing. For no other reason than the joy of it.
#2: (a ChatGPT original idea) Go on two solo artist dates. Any ideas of what I could do? Let me know.
Life Crisis
Today, a friend reminded me of Carl Jung’s theory that life begins at 40. That what we call a “midlife crisis” is actually a pivotal moment of transformation, a shift from building outward success to integrating who we really are.
Before 40, the theory goes, we’re busy constructing the ego, building a life the world will applaud. After 40, painfully aware that making others happy doesn’t guarantee our own happiness, we begin to look inward. To live more authentically.
I’m not 40 yet. But I’m past 35, and I’ve had my fair share of life crises.
I had one at 25, when a short-lived career stint gave way to a startup that collapsed. I felt unemployable. (I was unemployable. I went to interviews and couldn’t land anything.) I pushed through by building another startup, and this one did better. But by 30, I was there again: another collapsed company, another round of inner questioning. So I did what everyone else seemed to be doing: I got a steady 9 to 5, a regular paycheck, a boss. It looked like peace. It worked, for a while.
And now here I am. Day 100 of trying to write my way out of the very job that once felt like safety. Maybe I’m just getting my midlife crisis early. But if there’s a silver lining, it’s this: every crisis so far has eventually brought clarity. Enough clarity to move forward. Enough to feel fulfilled for a good while.
So I trust I’ll find my way again. I always do. But for now, for May, I’ll just write. And take myself out on solo artist dates (thanks ChatGTP!). And see what shows up.