Remembering Who You Were Before the Job Titles

How time with old friends rebalanced the way I think about ambition.

I’m back in my hometown, catching up with friends from high school and university. And it’s hitting me just how true that old saying is: You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

In the city I live in now, most of my friends are from work: smart, driven, ambitious people. Our conversations naturally orbit around how to get the next promotion, how to navigate office politics, or how to level up our craft. We do talk about life too, but somehow, we always circle back to work and career strategy.

Then I arrive home.

Here, my friends have taken very different paths. When we meet, the focus shifts. We talk about life, we really talk. About what’s happened these past few months.

They tell me about loved ones who passed away, and how they’re managing the pain. About new loves found and old loves that ended. About children who have grown: and now know new things, ask new questions, and bring new challenges. They tell me about the joy of buying a home, or even just redecorating a room. The move to the countryside, the neighbors they met, the little horta they started. The trips they took, the ones they’re planning, and the ones we start planning together, mid-conversation. And I find myself genuinely, deeply curious to hear it all. The stories, the updates, the challenges, the small triumphs; how they’re making sense of it all, and what they’re choosing for their lives right now.

And after all that - after everything that actually matters - we might talk about work. But it’s not the center of the conversation. My friends here are still driven and ambitious, but their energy feels directed elsewhere. Toward community, creativity, idealism.

Like D, who left a global marketing career to break taboos around medicinal cannabis and explore how the plant supports sustainability.

Or C, who spent years in banking and is now building a social enterprise to support women stepping into their power.

M is finally setting time aside to write the children’s book she’s been dreaming of. I can’t wait to read it and gift it to every child I know.

The other M that joined a global human rights organization, something she dreamed of since we were in Uni. And now she’s doing it.

So I wonder: is it that the friends I made before I turned 22 are simply more like who I was back then, more idealistic? Or is it something about being rooted in this place, this community, that makes them focus outward instead of on the individualistic pursuit of a career? Or maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see… (did anyone say confirmation bias?)

Still, these past few days have been a reminder that there are many ways to live a meaningful life. Not all of them involve a job title, a promotion, or a five-year plan.

To all the friends I got to see while I was here: thank you. I admire you so much. I can’t wait to see where life takes us next.