What’s the Point?

When the news, the job, and the system wear you down and you write through it.

I’ve had a lot on my mind, which is probably why I’ve been pretty silent this week.
That said, writing usually helps, so here I am, putting pen to paper (or letters onto a screen), hoping this will magically make sense at some point.

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The Prototype

Let’s start from the beginning: the prototype.
(And thank you to those of you who reached out after my last post: your DMs and emails meant a lot.)

I spent time thinking through different versions 0.1 I could build. I had several ideas.
But I kept getting stuck on the same point over and over again: the issue isn’t building the product, or at least, not the first version of it. The issue is distribution.

The issue is finding the people who need what you’re building at the exact moment they’re feeling the pain.

Like my friend A., who said: “I would’ve loved to offer a subscription to your letters to my mum.” I need to find more people like him, on that moment.

And that’s hard. Really hard.
Especially when you’re trying to sell direct to consumer. Selling to companies? Still hard, but at least each ticket can be bigger.

Anyway, I don’t want to get into business models, marketing channels, or CAC/LTV right now.
All I want to say is: this week, it all felt kind of pointless.

There are times when I see these challenges as puzzles to solve, and that energizes me. That didn’t happen this time.

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The News

Why did I feel so heavy this week?
Maybe because I came back home, away from the friends and family I’d just spent a little over two weeks with.
Maybe because I returned to the grind of office days and fluorescent lights.

But most definitely: because of the news.

Independent of your political beliefs, it’s scary to watch what’s happening in the U.S.
The way the rule of law is dismissed. The checks and balances seemingly hollow.
The presidency, which should be one of the most dignified roles in the world. being treated like… honestly, I can’t even find a comparison.

And seeing that happen, it doesn’t matter how optimistic you are (and I consider myself a pretty optimistic person), it takes a toll. I know you know what I’m talking about.

But again, I don’t want to pretend I’m an expert in U.S. politics, constitutional law, or global affairs.
All I want to say is: this week, it all felt kind of pointless.

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The Economy

These news stories don’t stay confined to headlines. They show up on your feed, in conversations around the dinner table, in your brain at 2am. You can’t not know.

So I turned to books.

I started reading The Trading Game by Gary Stevenson.

I highly recommend it.
It reads like a movie, kind of like Shoe Dog. You can’t put it down.
It walks you through the ins and outs of Canary Wharf: the jobs, the money, the parties,… but also, the slow unraveling of Gary’s view of his job. The realization that the system is built to keep the rich getting richer. And that he didn’t want to keep being part of that system.

I’m not a macroeconomics expert. But I see it too:
Friends back home struggling to buy homes.
Careers 10+ years long, and still needing to debate whether they can afford a couch or a short vacation.

Meanwhile, I did my best to game the system too. I maximized the value of my 24 hours by moving abroad.
I saved. I invested. I built a tiny bit of wealth.

But at what cost?

And again: I’m not here to pretend I’m an expert in economics.
All I want to say is: this week, it all felt kind of pointless.

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The Forever Loop

So this week, walking back to the office, doing the same routine, having conversations that (this week at least) felt painfully hollow, I felt this weight:

It doesn’t matter how much I try to leave the system. It always pulls me back in.
If I don’t want a corporate job, I’ll still need to build a job from something.
I’ll still have to work, in some form, forever.

And that thought felt like a doomed forever loop.

Until…

I listened to a podcast that reminded me of the golden rules for a good life:

• Eat well

• Sleep well

• Exercise

And I realized: I hadn’t been doing any of those.

So I shifted things back today.
And suddenly, even though things still feel a bit pointless, and I’m still no expert in economics, politics, or business… I felt like I could write again.

Not to solve anything.
Not to offer a grand conclusion.
But just to share something with you, which is more than I could do a few days ago.

So I’m calling that progress.